ya'll are the ones who don't know things

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 07:07:19 GMT

I think I'm done with this journal, gays. It's been unreal~

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 07:02:21 GMT

I don't mean to make you cry.

I mean nothing, but this has not kept you

From peeling away my body, layer by layer,

The tears clouding your eyes as the table fills

With husks, cut flesh, all the debris of pursuit.

Poor deluded human: you seek my heart.

Hunt all you want. Beneath each skin of mine

Lies another skin: I am pure onion--pure union

Of outside and in, surface and secret core.

Look at you, chopping and weeping. Idiot.

Is this the way you go through life, your mind

A stopless knife, driven by your fantasy of truth,

Of lasting union--slashing away skin after skin

From things, ruin and tears your only signs

Of progress? Enough is enough.

You must not grieve that the world is glimpsed

Through veils. How else can it be seen?

How will you rip away the veil of the eye, the veil

That you are, you who want to grasp the heart

Of things, hungry to know where meaning

Lies. Taste what you hold in your hands: onion-juice,

Yellow peels, my stinging shreds. You are the one

In pieces. Whatever you meant to love, in meaning to

You changed yourself: you are not who you are,

Your soul cut moment to moment by a blade

Of fresh desire, the ground sown with abandoned skins.

And at your inmost circle, what? A core that is

Not one. Poor fool, you are divided at the heart,

Lost in its maze of chambers, blood, and love,

A heart that will one day beat you to death.

In case you are wondering that's something I'm addressing to myself. I obtained it through this angry girl's phone post. I'm hypnotized by it.

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 21:11:39 GMT

YA'LL GONNA MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE. I used to want to be Missy Elliott. Let's-a-go-a like a hoa~

And then STAND OUT ABOVE THE CROWD EVEN IF I GOTTA SHOUT OUT LOUD!

Oh my GOD.

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:12:39 GMT

For once I went for a walk alone at night. I admit that was kind of stupid. But I did get to see barf on the ground before the rain washed it away.

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 00:50:13 GMT

It officially felt weird to say "lamb" without the "Buh". DAMN YOU ALEX. She needs to have LJ again.

Isn't it ironic that nerve_ending_ ended? I deleted it because I found myself being hurtled into another place. oldetymerootbee was the start of me getting caught up in too many knots. Materialism, and I figured out how that worked soon enough. It seems inconvenient, but if anything you can look back and think of that as a bold illustration of how you change or don't want to. Maybe NOT bold, but an illustration of how large the situation was. You don't realize how things that don't have anything to do with you end up changing your life. Maybe there's an equation for how that connects to what you bring in.

Oh, and changed female exploitation to male exploitation. Leggett's ultrafeminism is frustrating. Who can make up a demeaning name for men that has the same affect as "chicks"? I don't even need it, since girlhate is different, but it would be cute.

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 04:42:02 GMT

Verdi, I bet your Requiem isn't even that great. Not great enough for me to spend twenty minutes downloading.

My mood swings are delighted to be with me so often. Maybe I'm just being seasonal?

This NIN thing is making me paranoid, which is in turn making me a lot more content than I was before. Whaaaat? All I need is for something to tell me that everything is wrong, and I feel right at home again.

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 08:27:11 GMT

You know, I give so much out of my own free will. Who's saying I'm going to get anything in return? My own recklessness puts me where I am.

I really should be getting to sleep, but. So we all know that deal about beauty being a concept. In that movie Clementine was a concept, as much as she tried to fight it. There wasn't any mention of how Clementine felt, really, she just came in memories. Not to say it didn't matter, it just wasn't the focus of the movie. She was a character and a puzzle piece. No matter how things changed, there were still those memories of her that made Joel what he is. You can't focus on essence because it's made up of a lot of things. Maybe that's just how I saw the movie though. It would be great to have some feedback on my failure.

I'm not a concept, Joel. I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind.

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 07:28:06 GMT

The moon is all freaky tonight, all huge and orange. If I hadn't've gone to that meeting and wasted my time I wouldn't have noticed.

I have to be a curious egotist. You guys edit this picture for me? Like a coloring book or something. In my class almost everybody is really outspoken about their ideas, and I wish I could stick them all in my brain. I'm wondering what you would do with it if you were drawing it. I happen to know it's ugly, go suck a dick :(

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 05:43:33 GMT

I'm really on a roll with this art project. I thought I was in a rut an hour ago, but that was just the head of the zit, and now, POP! Oh my god, so juicy!

Something I have trouble remembering:

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 22:12:29 GMT

"The goal is to be able to recognize your emotions, and allow yourself to feel them, but not to be controlled by them. If you become too cut off from your emotions, you will lose the benefit of what they have to tell you. Our feelings are like everything else we see in life, they're there to tell us things about how to live. Don't ever allow anything to subvert your own powers of reason. If you ever hear or read anything that you feel wrong about, don't let anything stifle your legitimate and fair questioning."

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 05:06:25 GMT

For art the teacher's allowing me to do something on hentai, otaku, and exploitation, which I know is so very done, but I'm looking forward to it. I know right now that it's probably going to be somewhat feminist because I don't want to seem like a freak, and have tentacles. We all love tentacles! It's not going to be spectacular, I just want to paint some cute panties'n'shit.

Just have to say something

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 07:22:50 GMT

Rollin' around at the speed of sound
Got places to go, gotta follow my rainbow!

Video game music has been in the background of a lot of my dreams lately.

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 20:58:57 GMT

I dreamed I ended up in the old house in Hoquiam. One of the people living there was happy to know this, and I pointed out what I did in certain rooms. I walked outside to the porch to stretch and the girl screamed, "What is wrong with you?! Get down!" We went back inside and she said, "What were you doing? This isn't like when you were a kid. You can't just go outside and expect nothing to happen."

I finally have the time to piece together my thoughts and think. It's so easy if you just think about it!

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 00:04:37 GMT

POWER UP
KAIOKEN X20

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 05:28:37 GMT

Little Chomper, my name. TAKE IT AS YOU WILL.

Jackie: cunt punt
Josh: more beautiful words have always been spoken

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 20:52:18 GMT

I have 23 gigabytes of music. I kind of wish I could play the Sims.

He just ordered a giant glass of milk!

BITCHES BITCHES BITCHES

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 03:13:52 GMT

Be careful that victories do not carry the seed of future defeats.
Ralph W. Sockman

There is tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow the fun we will have.

Wow Björk is playing in CA on April 27th. Somebody go there and take her essence into a bottle for me. :( And by essence I mean

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 23:24:06 GMT

╚╗╔╝║║★═╦╦╦═╗║★╝╠═╦╦╗
╔╝╚╗★╚╣║║║║╠╣╚╗╔╣♂║★
╚═☆╝╚═╩═╩★╩═╝╚╝╚═╩═╝

I need to be more outgoing before I die.

Hey, and just now I check the bathroom and the shower's obviously been turned on and back off because everything is soaked? Unless cats can do that, somebody was inside my house while I was in here dancing to Justin Timberlake. Why am I not as scared as I should be?

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 07:18:30 GMT

[23:12] Raquel: I saw the moon fall from the sky.
[23:13] Raquel: In my minds eye.
[23:13] Raquel: Which rhymes! FANTASTIC!

Bach bach bach Goldberg Variations, Glenn Gould, which I understand is on Silence of the Lambs, but I've never seen it, so I'm just sayin' it's pretty :(

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 21:19:49 GMT

One very good friend told me to ask myself, "Does it make me happy?" Being happy is pretty hard.

For me there are two types of music. The honest kind and the kind that says what you wish could happen which is reflective of what you feel.

I'm not so much in an emotional bad space, but a logical one. I don't trust my emotions, because I know that in a second it will all be okay. If I think somethings wrong, it really isn't.

I rely on people to balance and break me. I'll put my own pieces back together, but people are my iced tea and coffee, my sunny days and hurricanes.

Someday I'll break free of this retarded metaphor.

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 23:52:36 GMT

But I can't believe that you'd ever care
And this is why you will never care
But these things take time
I know that I'm
The most inept
That ever stepped

Today in second period my mind exploded with the thought of how my low self-esteem contradicts in so many ways. Witnessing your own interaction with some people compared to others is the most amazing thing.

Yes, I have been living under a rock for a considerable amount of my life.

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 08:01:15 GMT

"That's what they said about my flux capacitorrr!"
Christopher Lloyd

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 22:14:53 GMT

Hey dudes! Who wants something to add to their collection of really upsetting music?!
Dark Moor - Dies Irae
Maybe I just don't understand how beautiful FVCKNMETAL is?

Oh and hey, I found my beanie, Should I wear it every day again?

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 11:55:15 GMT

It's so nice to have someone older and wiser as a friend.

Before you advertise
All the fame is implied
With no fortune unseen

Sell the rights
To your blight
Time-machine

While I'm dulled by excess
And a cynic at best
My art imitates crime
Paid for by
The allies
So invest

Now I'm finding truth is a ruin
Nauseous end that nobody is pursuing
Staring into glassy eyes
Mesmerized
There's a vintage thirst returning
But I'm sheltered by my channel-surfing
Every famine virtual
Retrovertigo

A tribute to false memories
With conviction
Cheap imitation
Is it fashion or disease?
Post-ironic
Remains a mouth to feed

Sell the rights
To your blight
And you'll eat

Now I'm finding truth is a ruin
Nauseous end that nobody is pursuing
Staring into glassy eyes
Mesmerized
See the vintage robot wearied
Then awakened by revision theories
Every famine virtual
Retrovertigo

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 14:40:19 GMT

"Aqua Teen Hunger Force Promotion Bombs" would be my favorite.